INTIMATE LETTERSAN EPISTOLAR SAGA
by Kassandra Gauthier
Summary: A little collection of stories written in a epistolar mode,focusing on various characters,and including romance,drama,angst,etc.
1. Chapter 1

INTIMATE LETTERS(An epistolary story)

Between my love and I it have to rise  
three hundred ,yes,three hundred nights as walls,  
and the ocean will be a magic between us.

There will be nothing,but rather memories.  
Oh afternoons earned with the pain,,  
nights hoping for to see you,  
fields of my way, firmament  
that I'm watching and losing ...  
Definitive ,like a marble,  
your absence will bemoan in other afternoons.

(Jorge Luis Borges-Argentine poet and writer-:Absence and Farewell)

EPISTULA PRIMA

(The first letter):THE MAN WITH NO TEARS

There is a sweet , untouchable charm in the rainy light trascends the surface of the glass,and the raindrops,falling like the complaint of an invisible dark sky,hit on the innocent flowers,,now dry,rememebering vaguely that there was a time of spring.

It is late autumn,however.I am staying here,standing here,besides the solitude of the park,hidden in the obscurity,watching,waiting,screaming by inside,all the cries that were muted have been changed in shame.

You…you are behind the crystals,perhaps with your lover,in that warm quietude,so tepid,and soaked by the one million drops love has sparkled somewhere:like a forbidden dew,bathing the souvenir of what could have been,and what was not.

You stay,perchance, under the severe glance of those black iron eyes,cruel,so cruel as the mine…but blessed,institutionalized by the law.

What is the law?

I never knew.

The law is what impeded me to grow up aloof of insanity,and gave me the "blessing" of to be hurt,wounded,abused,destroyed?

That is what mankind uses to call"the law"?

If it is so,I am against it.I have I have chosen because I knew,and I know,that some of us were born cursed by an unfathomable malediction,that is and will be always unceasing,and,perhaps, eternal.

Your lover,surely, kisses you,and the hypothetical kiss stabs me deeply in my chest,just in the middle of the old scared traces,making them more profound,and this new invisible bleeding wound aches like a hell.

The curtains are open.,and I can sight you.I can see you,imagining however the nudity of your skinny elegant figure,.so fine and exquisitely conformed,lying down, with the aspect,with the features of a classical sculpture.

Keep me away,you,whom are named " my ultimate,definitive pain".I never could reach you not even in a dream…because it would become a ,I call you "my pain",because it is so,and it must necessarily be so.

You and your lover, ,smiling,caressing,with no care about the rest of this world,a world that will end so soon for one like me.

I am.. a whom stays at the desolated door ,waiting for his alms.

Alms for the poor…Alms for the unfortunate unwanted son whom has been born from the terrible marriage between the disgrace and the horror..

I am the eternal stranger,the sempiternal foreigner in all the realms.

And you,blessed by beauty,by a cheerful mood,by one thousand…by one million talents.,will be the adored prince in a distant ivory tower.

But…I am of my misfortune,proud of my multiple wounds,proud of my fierce decision.

It is so cold here,outside…so cold…so dark…A gloomy wind shakes the body of the lonely trees,that,as indefense corpses,incline their last leaves for to bow before my presence.

You can forebode something in the shadows,but I cannot get away from my own obscurity.

However,from my gloomy grief that is more than endless,I can say..no..I can be sure !only of something:if God were able to help one like me,He would send an angel with your innocent features,the most beautiful ones that these eyes of mine(eyes that will be soon devoured by the grave)have ever seen.

Please,do not be afraid of to open this dark envelope.

I want you knowing what I feel,even if I cannot reveal,for now,who I am,who I was,who I will be.

Yours,devoted,inconditional

F..

The reply:

Distinguished Sir:

I am not used to quick ,I felt the necessity of to let very clear that I am not in the disposal of to accept any type of encounter between ,understand this:because of the work I usually do(my job is not what one could call"a simple common one"),I have become a bit paranoid in some of my daily attitudes.

I have no idea who you are,not even if you really know me in person,or perhaps you suffer of some kind of strange hallucination.

Do not be ashamed of this:I have suffered these symptoms myslef,due to the incidencies of my hard and compromising daily work

Understand,please,also,that I am only twenty eight years old,and I have carried a burden upon my shoulders that perhaps nobody else could have done.

Yes,it is said I am a genius:but this makes me absolultely a solitary.

Yes,people use to say I am beautiful,handsome…but I dislike to be touched,caressed,embraced….

Notwithstanding,yes,I must say….I am in a relationship.A delicate matter,indeed,since my lover is also someone of a high elevated cathegory in the place where I work..

I could never thought of to have a furtive encounter with somebody else,despite how much my flesh could beg for a new relief..I usually never confess these things to anybody,but,in a certain way,you inspire me some sort of strange confidence,since you are a faceless presence….

(TO BE CONTINUED)


	2. Chapter 2

I should not say that ,but my life has been I was born,I had practically no family:my mother suffered of a sort of strange type of insanity:the pregnancy and my birth increased the disease to the point that made our daily life at home absolutely impossible, and unbearable.

My father,.a business man with no guts nor heart,and scarce brain,put her in an asilum,where I was able to go for to visit her only once in a month.

My mother had been a painter,writer,musician..a cultured lady,,,beautiful…intelligent.I already cannot understand how it was possible that she could marry a so coarse man!

I grew up almost alone:the books,the one thousand books my mother had left at home, were my sole companions.

My father broke,and we became so poor,that,sometimes,I used to go to bed with an empty stomach..but always with a fulfilled word,every line of each one of the poets I frequently read ,approached my spirit to my mother's one.

We had no money for to complete my education,overall due to the fact that I was "diagnosed" as a prodige,and that condition required a very special attention.

I was seven,and I already knew all the classical authors,being capable to read them in Greek and Latin(I learned both the classical languages by myself,with a dictionary,a pen and a copybook).And more:I had memorised,complete,the theatre of Aeschylus,Sophocles and Eurypides,the Homer's Iliad and Odyssea,Hesiod,Titus Livius,Cicero,Plato,Lucretius,Aristotle,Saint Augustine…

The pure and sincere joy I found in those works was,however,annihilated by the presence of that coarse ignorant man,.a true illiterate,violent,woomaniser,prone to gambling, and abusive.

One day,he said me he had obtained a scholarship for me:we should move to Berkeley,California.

The arrival to that universitary town was disastrous:the other pupils abused me,I might suffer the bad treatments and the depreciating attitudes not only from them,,but also from my teachers and professors.

I suffered a lot,being only twelve years old,with their customary violence and ignorance.

For the worst,I was unable to practice any type of this is a stain that,in the American universities,has no place for any kind of forgiveness.

I had only a friend,a talented,very talented boy whom,finally,left Berkely for to go to Juilliard:he was an accomplished,exquisite almost fell in love,but I was so scared,so afraid of his rejection!Thus,I never said a word.

Once,one day(one cursed damned day!)a prestigious scholar was not a common scholar,but a man whom combined his daily task as a teacher with some strange kind of activity that awoke my interest.

I went to his daily lectures,and got more enthousiastic every day.

Tantalized by his words,charmed by his promises,I followed that man with all my soul,and put upon him all my terrible need of affection.

The man was witty and machiavelic:very astute,he obtained my promise of to work with him in the future.

He left Berkely,.but kept writing to me,almost every day.

The phrases were every day more strange,more secretive,like if he were attempting to hide something that should be kept only between us.

Several years later,I worked at his side,following him as I had done since the first day.

I curse myself for that,I never will be satisfied of to curse myself for to have done that!

He taught me how to kill;how to torture;how to disembowel spiritually someone whom could be supposedly guilty of something.

Peace became unattainable for me.

But this is not enough:that man took my innocence in a treacherous in the endless chess games we used to the same,.I,with the white ones…He,with the black ones,counterattacking,pursuiving me,enclosing my pure being in a hideous mud of world became a dunghill.

After all that execration,that man betrayed me…twice….no…three times!,

if I must count also that day, when he left me in a situation that exceeds any imagination,with a monster whom attached me to the worst nightmare.

I killed the monster,but not the the true nightmare was the man whom claimed to be my "paternal relief and mentor"!

Finally,he abandoned me definitively(or so I hope,and,being not a religious person,I assure you that I even have prayed for that!),carrying on me all the bitterness,all the spiritual disease,all the feeling of an useless,nonsensical life.

I was reluctant to give myself in a relationship:but the necessities of my flesh,that the cursed man had awaken earlier in a so perverse way,betrayed me once more.

One day…no..one night,after a hard work in a desolated and gelid place,I offered myself to my young appeared to me like a serious man,severe,almost spartan.,but already capable of to feel some kind of tenderness.

We began to go out,of course,in the most deep secret:the man was married,he had a son,and,for the worst,he was into a process of divorce.

He brought me silence , a sort of strange peace,and some security:understand me,it was not only for the sex!

It was an attempt to kill my terrible loneliness,my infinite solitude!

The man never asked he never knew what had happened between our"egregious" former supervisor and I.

But,as all of this were not enough,one day,being in our new counselor's mansion for to have dinner(supposedly with all the team,that never ,never arrived,however!),the"respectable doctor,writer and professor " seduced me,carrying me finally to his ,he already knew that had happened with me and his antecessor!

And he knew,of course,about my relationship with the boss.I knew I should shut my mouth and stay easy…but..God,God!I was tired!I am still so tired!So tired of this fatality that ties my destiny to destruction and pain!

Oh.. …I 'm sorry!

I'm sorry,Sir,I never wanted to bore..to scare you with….

Please,please,do not disappear..I'm afraid of to have provoked your rejection towards me…Please,please….Do not disappear,do not abandon me!

Please!

Oh,I am maddening….

I..I….

Sorry,sorry,sorry.,….

Yours,always…

Dr.S.R.

From F. to S:

My dear,my angel,my sole light:

I have clenched my fists as never before.

I was imagining that a continuous sorrow was making you suffer,since angels must smile all the time,and your face reveals a profound grief,so profound, that I can foresee the ocean of your tears falling that I,unfortunately,cannot shad.

My teeth are biting every word you wrote to me,and I assure you that I would devour flesh and bones of all those ones whom have harmed your divine being.

How can people do this to you,to an angel,to an innocent piece of heaven fallen among us for to become an universal blessing?

Let apart my person:I was born as a curse you,a young lad whom incarnates all the talents and beauty should not have been used as a piece of rag by these execrable individuals!

No,Envy cannot be so terrible,and,overall,it cannot always be able to win!

They probably thought you were weak,due to your soft complexion:but they didn't understand that heaven is ingravid,and that it produces only angels,pieces of beauty and purity that must be kept of any kind of pain!

Ah,if I c ould embrace you,and let your tears bliss my chest,giving a bit of life to this petrified soul of mine!

I,myself,was born,as I explained yet,from horror and parents were circus mother(they said she was beautiful)worked as the écuyére,dancing on the horses,riding as an amazon,putting her life in risk with every race.

My father….or,better,the one whom put the seminal liquor inside my mother during the cursed night of my sad conception,was a gypsy,specialist in to throw poniards,while my mother was riding the horses,launching them in the air,with an ability that was object of he was a violent guy,a drunk,quarrelsome,cowdy subject,always angry with someone,due to his obsessive jealousy.

One day,he surprised my mother talking with a man:without say a word,he killed both of them,roughly,mercilessly…He was put in jail,and probably in an institution,after have been diagnosed of alcoholic madness.

I inherited the glare of his amberlike eyes,his tall figure….and my mother's features…even if she was(they say,I never saw her,I was only two years old)beautiful as a simple flower,beautiful as the blossom that shows the light of spring.

I was adopted by a rich family:farmers,French origins:they had a large cottage that(I remember) smelled always like fine cheese.

But they did not adopted a son:they acquired a little slave!

(TO BE CONTINUED…)


	3. Chapter 3

Le Tentateur lui-même était presque charmé ;  
Il avait oublié son art et sa victime,  
Et son cœur un moment se reposa du crime.  
Il répétait tout bas, et le front dans ses mains :  
« Si je vous connaissais, ô larmes des humains ! »

(Alfred de Vigny:Éloa ,oú la chute d'un ange,III)

(The same temptator looked like almost charmed;

He had forgotten his art and his victim,

For an instant,his heart took a rest of the crime.

And he reopeated so soft,with his forehead in his hands:

"If I could know you,oh tears of the humans!".)

(Alfred de vigny,Eloa,or the fall of an angel).

A slave...yes..a slave...

for every task they wanted.

Ah,when the social workers used to arrive,they pretended,they theatralised a paradisiac way of life that was an utopic comedy!

But,once the government's agents were gone,the farce was over,and they began again,and again,and again…

I was twelve,and both of them abused me,menacing me with death.

My body was very weak,since they barely gave me some bread,water and the rests of the cheese that they also usually destined to the pigs…That was my diet.I used to whisper for a plate with meat, whatever…When the other children were longing for a travel to Mars,or a spaceship,my unique poor desire was about a good piece of meal!

They had luncheon together,compelling me to eat like an animal,from the dry bread and the rests of cheese were always in the same old aluminium bowl,so dirty,that even the dogs were avoiding it.

My "adoptive father" had a big fun introducing me a stick in my mouth, until to reach my throat and make me vomit,always laughing at this,and my "sweet mom" was watching,and screming"More,more!Give him more,because he is claiming for more,Robert!"

Bleeding,with my poor young body converted in sole sore,in a sole ache,I used to go to sleep in the yard,besides the dogs,embracing an old Saint Bernard whom seemed to be the only one liking and loving me in that cursed house.

Taking notice of it,my "amorous father" finally killed the poor animal.

This horrendous saga continued until I could farm was placed in the nearbies of Boston.I went to the city,and messed around in the slums,got lost…some balck people approached to me.I was fourteen…I thought they wanted tofight,butit was not exactly the contrary,they carried me to a refuge,gave me warm food,coffee…even a elder one,a tall black man with an enormous chest covered by tattoos,taught me how to fight.,how to deffend me of all the injuries I was constanty receiving.

Time passed,and I acquired some taste for the reefers that man used to offer me when we met in that alley.

I grew up in violent outbursts against the abusers:one night,my "amorous adoptive father" entered into my bedroom,and uncovered my body,.I slept directly on an old dirty mattress,without any kind of cover on had his gentialia out of hispants,and was decided to finish his"work" submitting me began to beat me in my back,with his belt…Suddenly,I rolled over and attacked him,giving back the hits,one by one,until to see his face bleeding.

I ran…During my desperate race,I passed near one of the stoves,that were on(it was in the beginnings of January,I can remember the christams tree already in the main room),and made it fall down…

The fire sparkled everywhere.I could escape,but the house was reduced to ashes in less than one hour.

Thinking I had killed them due to my bad ,due to my evil origins and behaviour,the governemental agents put me into an institution.

Of course,some lawyers began a quarrel for what these people had left :a pretty good heritage,that was legally my heritage…despite the accusations they did.

Finally I could come out that horrible asilum,and went to the city,for to complete my education.

Yes,I even went to the university;I studied systems and informatic saisd I was such a genius..The fact is that I never thought so.

I saw you when you were in Boston with your co- workers,searching for the monster we suffered during more than fifteen years.

I,myself,have a sad story with this individual,that, perhaps,one day, I will tell to you…But I do nto want to scare you anymore!.

I was pursuived by the freaky assassin:I,specially!

Why?

Because I was the only one,the sole one capable of to survive!

It was fifteen years ago,more or less.I was with a woman in my car:I liked her,she was gentle with me…and I thought in to have,as the "normal people" use to have,a fiancée;then,a wife, a family,children,perhaps a house on the top of a hill,with dog,cat and some birds in a cage.

(TO BE CONTINUED…)e your document here...


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